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Fixing the Meter

Posted By: Nack Ballard
Date: Monday, 9 January 2017, at 8:44 p.m.

In Response To: COCONUT (Kangaroo on steroids) (Albert Steg)

Thank you, Albert, for trying to help me improve the meter. I see now that I didn't pay enough attention to it.

I like your "less" (replacing "minus") suggestion. That helps for sure. And your temporary use of capitals makes it easier to see where the meter needs fixing.

I can save another syllable by calling the small diagonals "slants" (instead of diags). In that way, too, I don't need the adjective "big" before "diagonal." Anyway, it may be better to use different terms to describe the different angles (45 degree, and 30 degree), rather than using "big" and "small" modifiers.

I'm not sure you meant to emphasize "Add" on your 3rd line. Better not to, I think. Then "ONE" can be emphasized and the 3rd line is fixed.

The thought of a kangaroo bouncing (or even a coconut bouncing) is cute, but it's important to me to keep the words (a) "shift" and (b) either "middles" or "cancel," in the 4th line.

I made some additional changes below. What do you think?

Nack


.......At FIRST you DOUBle the NEAR side MEN...........(or omit "At" or replace with "Well,"?)

.......Then ADD the diAGonal, DOUBle aGAIN

.......Plus SLANTS, less ONE-o-FIVE, times THREE

.......Then SHIFT and CANcel, like A-b-C........................(or "Then SHIFT to the MIDdles, like A-b-C")

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