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BGonline.org Forums
SM?
Posted By: Stick In Response To: SM? (Chuck Bower)
Date: Friday, 26 June 2009, at 6:41 p.m.
Simborg sent out this joke in an email or two. I can only find the second one, an email to Jake Jacobs, so here's the gist:
Jake, since you have been out of the country so long, there is something I think you should know.
If you have seen the move AI you would understand that there is no actual person called "Stick." It took me a while to figure out that he is a machine, and not really a person.
I first became suspicious when the Stick Machine showed absolutely no human-related emotions, empathy, or even courtesy relative to people's feelings. The SM (aptly named, by the way) would simply state what was correct or incorrect, back it up with an incredible amount of irrefutable data (which a human could never remember or be able to properly compute and understand), and then "proclaim" without any regard or respect for a person's age, status, or the many years of tradition he may have been crumbing, that his "decree" is now the absolute standard for humanity.
Before I realized that Stick was not a human being, I resented and resisted his proclamations, but as one Giant of Backgammon after another began to worship at his feet (Steve Sax even wrote a formal tribute to SM on Gammon Village) I, too, was converted. The accepted doctrine in the Backgammon World is now to run a position through Snowie or GNU and then have it blessed by SM to receive THE PROCLAMATION OF CORRECTNESS.
Since you have obviously joined your fellow Giants in worshiping at the SM alter, I thought I would save you some time relative to your communication with SM:
There is no reason to discuss the possibility of gray areas, insufficient data, or lack of accuracy of computer programs, no reason to discuss human emotions or the status of a person or his record as backgammon expert over the years, as SM is not programmed to receive or understand that kind of input. The only input that SM will accept is in the form of rollouts, and those must be along the lines of several hundred thousand or they will be instantly rejected and you will receive a reprimand.
However, if you do present a question to SM and show proper respect and humility, you will receive a definitive answer, usually within 24 hours. The response will come with supporting data, said data will be posted on the Official SM Koran Site (www.bgonline.org) for all to see and accept as doctrine, and you will have a "FDC" (Final Declaration of Correctness) for all time.
One more caution: should you make the mistake of questioning the results, as I, Bill Davis, Scott Casty, and others have recently done relative to the correctness of one of SM's proclamations, you will lose. I am on my fifth challenge, losing all four previous challenges (with the one exception of winning a "draw" on the 3-1 split vs. making the 5 point, which I believe SM is will continue to roll out for another 6 months in the hope of reversing said decision), and I have pretty much stopped resisting.
The bottom line is that I have come to accept SM and have given up resistance, and I have come to a level of inner peace, knowing that I can go to sleep at night not worrying if it is right to hit or slot, make the point, or break the prime, as I finally have a place to go to get a definitive answer.
I welcome you to our Club and know that you, too, will also have greater peace and confidence in your life.
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