| |
BGonline.org Forums
Bad Behavior in Michigan
Posted By: Jason Lee
Date: Monday, 6 July 2009, at 6:10 p.m.
On Friday night in the Michigan tournament, I had a big problem with the behavior of my opponent, Greg Merriman.
We were playing an 11 point match in the loser's side of the tournament. I was winning handily, and everything was going my way. Throughout all of this, he was talking, making snarky and sarcastic remarks. "You never miss, do you?" "I'd slot that point too, I can't hit anything." "You're really good." (after hitting yet another shot) I suppose this is standard complaining stuff, but he kept up the talking even when it was my move, and I was thinking about my play. If I'd make a move and stop to look at it, he would start shaking his dice and wouldn't stop.
I wound up going ahead 10-2 crawford, and then the comeback started. It reached 10-10, and at a critical juncture, he hit a key shot, pumped a fist, and exclaimed, "Fuck yeah!" I couldn't take it anymore... just before I called for a director, I said, "Think classy and you'll be classy." Response: "I don't do classy." John Carrico came over and I asked, through John, that he not swear and not talk when it was my move and not shake his dice when it was my move. John didn't prohibit the dice shaking but agreed on the swearing and the talking. I had no trouble for the rest of the match, which was probably all of two or three minutes. Part of that was the fact that he was mopping up, and when things went his way, there were no snarky remarks.
Afterwards, I was extremely upset, more so than I've ever been in backgammon. The losing sucks, so does losing after being up so big. But losing I can handle. It's the rude behavior that I had to deal with. There was something really mean spirited about the comments that was so different than anything I've ever heard that it really got to me. I know that it wasn't just losing... I was ahead 10-2 crawford and was upset.
Carol Cole was very sympathetic and took the time to listen to me. I'll admit that while talking to Carol, it boiled over a bit and dropped a couple of tears. I feel like the match was ruined for me... the talking definitely distracted me, and to borrow a term from Bob Koca, I flapped. While I won't blame the loss on that, it couldn't have helped.
There was a point in the match when I led 6-2 (to 11) and won a gammon on a 2 cube to go up 10-2. Thinking it was just a nine point match, my opponent offered a "Good match" and a handshake. I, of course, did the right thing and told him it wasn't over. It's really galling to be the good guy and then get hosed by such poor behavior.
Both John and Carol told me that I should have acted much sooner to put a stop to the shenanigans. That's just one more thing that upsets me, is that they are so clearly right about that. While I have no problem with calling for a director for a ruling on rules/technicalities/etc., I am really reluctant to do it over behavior. I am upset that I could have prevented the problem early on.
The more I've thought about the situation, the more upset I am with MYSELF that I didn't stick up for my rights and didn't do something much, much earlier.
Both Carol Cole and John Carrico were really professional about it all. I can't stress this enough... from dealing with the situation to hearing my concerns afterwards and responding appropriately.
There's another part of this that's really awful. I'm no BG pro... I'm a mid-range open level player. I study the game and analyze matches and post questions and answers, but BG will never be more than a hobby for me. This tournament was the first time I had ever flown anywhere to play in a BG tournament, and I only made this tournament because it was convenient for my return trip from Germany, and I don't see myself making a habit out of this. As I told Carol, I may not play in her tournament again, at least not soon -- only because I'm not the travelling type. So five years ago, when I think back to my experience in Michigan, I'm going to remember very clearly this incident. You might say, "Jason, you can't let one guy ruin it for you." It's too late. It's ruined for me.
Carol told me that later on, she talked to Greg. Carol said he seemed to understand what he had done, and that his behavior was unacceptable. You know, "sorry" is nice, but only if you mean it: "sorry" means not only are you contrite, but you wish it had never happened. So this sorry is only good if he cleans up his act. Time will tell.
Why did I name names? Because we all have a right to know who to "watch out for". If I can save somebody from this because they were aware of this guy, then it's worth it to me. Backgammon matches are played out in the open anyway. This wasn't any private chouette in a guy's house.
Here's what I wish I had said to him when I called for a director:
"You have a responsibility to the backgammon community as a whole to act in a gentlemanly manner. Even if you don't really care about the guy across the board from you, there are people in this room, like many of the beginners and even a handful of intermediate players, who look up to the people in the Open division. If you act like a jerk, then they might decide that this is OK behavior, and it never is. We all have a responsibility to help cultivate our relationships with each other and with aspiring newbies. Attendance at backgammon tournaments always hangs on an edge, and if we start thinking that being a jerk is OK, then we're going to lose people. Even worse, we're going to lose the nice people."
And my final message to everybody who is reading this:
Learn from my mistake... don't let yourself be taken advantage of... stand up for your rights. Do not be afraid to ask your opponent to stop any behavior that is rude or distracting to you. And finally, to the jerks out there: please either knock it off right now or just go away. The backgammon world needs players, but it doesn't need you that badly.
JLee
| |
BGonline.org Forums is maintained by Stick with WebBBS 5.12.