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~~ I've Got a Little List ~~ (Actually Three)-Long, really this time
Posted By: mamabear In Response To: Are you someone in the BG world? (Stick)
Date: Friday, 25 April 2014, at 11:01 p.m.
This thread is rather vague and ill-defined; there are, after all, many ways to be "somebody" in backgammon, the same as anywhere else! In the lists that follow, you can explore whether you are a backgammon junkie, a pigeon (if you think you might be one, first check yourself for an endangered-species leg band) or...a good player!
All of these were published in the late 1990s in Anchors, North Ohio BG News, the early forums at GV, and a few places where they migrated (or is that metastasized?) Anyway, check as many answers as apply, and see which of these species of "someone" you are. You can be more than one, or even all three. It may seem counterintuitive, but there have always been good player who were also pigeons.
I haven't reformatted them, nor updated references to the earlier bots, but I am sure you can suss out what is meant.
The Top 10 Ways to Tell If You Are a Backgammon Junkie
© 1998 by Mary Hickey
The other people in your life (assuming there still are any who don't also play) may be telling you that you're a "backgammon junkie", but how can you know whether or not they're right? Here are the top 10 signs to look for. If even one of them applies to you, they probably have a point.
# 10. Your collection of backgammon reference materials and software is worth more than everything else you own combined.
# 9. You have watched the World Cup tapes so often that you always know what they're going to roll, how they're going to play it, and what KG is going to say about it.
# 8. Your Significant Other moved out, and it took you a week to notice, since s/he didn't take any of your backgammon books or notes.
# 7. You have spent more time studying backgammon than you did getting your college degree.
# 6. The local recovery group is devising a 12-step program specifically for backgammon players--and they are naming it after you.
# 5. You have ever driven straight from a chouette to work at 8 a.m. the next morning.
# 4. You have ever gone to a weekend tournament without booking a room, figuring you weren't going to sleep anyway...and you didn't.
# 3. Your friends look at you with pity and horror, and swear they'd rather pick up cigarette butts from city sidewalks for a living than take up backgammon.
# 2. You have ever fallen asleep on your keyboard while playing on the Net.
But the number-one dead giveaway that you need to be committed to a lock-up, dry-out type place for awhile is...
# 1. You can recite the entire Match Equity Table from memory. It's even worse if the reason you can is that you have it on tape, and you play it on your headphones 24 hours a day, including while you sleep!
The Pigeon Test
© 1997, 2000 by Mary Hickey
By now, at least if you live out in the country, you have undoubtedly heard some of Jeff Foxworthy's comedy routines. (Or, if they don't have cable at your trailer park yet, you have probably read--or had someone read you--at least one or two of his books.) So, no doubt you already have a pretty good idea as to whether you are a "redneck" or not. But if you play backgammon, a red neck is no problem. What you need to know is if you have red feet--that is, if you are a pigeon.
How can you find this out? To be one of this rare and special breed, you need more than just a collection of other players' autographs on the backs of cancelled checks. With apologies to Jeff, here is the test that will help you measure your progress toward membership in that increasingly endangered species, the backgammon pigeon!
You might be a pigeon if:
# Your opponents laugh at your jokes even when they aren't funny.
# You are rich, but none of your eligible opponents of the opposite gender wants to marry you.
# Your opponents cry over your hard luck stories, but you suspect it is because they can't bear to think of you giving money to somebody else.
# You retired to Florida, and within a few months your entire chouette moved down there to join you.
# Nobody in your chouette ever asks you to handle their cube when they leave the room.
# When the chouette is non-consulting, the Box always makes an exception to let you talk all you want.
# All the players you know express tremendous interest in joining the country club where you spend most of your Saturdays, even though most of them despise golf.
# When your opponents go away on vacation, they always offer to take you along.
# When you go on vacation, your opponents always ask to come along!
# You express a liking for automatics, and the other players all instantly agree that from now on, just to make you happy, all the games will be automatics.
# Nobody complains when you light up one of your favorite Rum Raisin-French Vanilla cigars.
# Your club votes you its Most Valuable Player, and you haven’t won a tournament (or much of anything else) in years.
# Several times a year, your doorbell rings, and there stands yet another backgammon player whose car has mysteriously broken down within a few yards of your home!
# Everybody says you are a nice player, but you're still waiting to hear anyone describe you as a good one.
Original version was first published in Anchors (newsletter of the New England Backgammon Club)
The Good Backgammon Player Test
© 1997 by Mary Hickey
How did you do on the "Pigeon Test"? Are you indeed a pigeon, or are you still searching for your backgammon identity? Not everyone can be a pigeon, you know. If you aren't one, maybe it is because you are a good player! This species, these days much more common than it used to be, is not considered endangered and so cannot expect the coddling a pigeon generally gets.
So if the other players tell you that your second row of teeth shows when you smile, instead of buying you sandwiches the way they used to, maybe it's because you've advanced a bit higher in the backgammon food chain. You can check out that possibility with this test:
You might be a good backgammon player if:
# Your opponents ask you why you make certain plays...and then actually listen to your answers!
# Even JellyFish refuses to comment on your plays any more, saying it thinks it has already taught you too much.
# One of your regular opponents begs off by saying he has to attend a month-long business conference in Dutch Guiana. You call your travel agent to see if a trip there would be worth the equity, and discover that country no longer exists.
# When you get out your backgammon board, other people's reactions remind you of the scene from Jumanji where the girl screams and jumps over the back of a chair to get away from the game.
# You walk into the club, and everyone instinctively grabs onto their wallets.
# When someone asks your club director who won the monthly tournament, he just points in your direction and growls, "Who else?"
# When you go to play in another city, they already know who you are, and refer to you by just your first name.
# You show up for your usual chouette, only to learn that you have been traded to another club.
# Your regular opponents sponsor you for an out-of-town tournament just to get rid of you for a weekend.
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Answer to the most frequently asked question about the pigeon test: Yes, common city pigeons in the USA really do have red feet.
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