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BGonline.org Forums
COCONUT (Kangaroo on steroids)
Posted By: Albert Steg In Response To: COCONUT (Kangaroo on steroids) (Nack Ballard)
Date: Monday, 9 January 2017, at 4:59 p.m.
Without hearing you read it aloud, I'm having difficulty getting the second half of the jingle to "jingle" properly. You're aiming for a tetrameter (4 beats per line) and the 3rd line seems to have too many, and the final line too few. I think substituting 'less' for 'minus' might help, as will adding a word after 'shift', for something like:
FIRST you DOUBle the NEAR side MEN
Add BIG diAgonal, DOUBle agAIN
ADD diAGS, less one-o-FIVE, times THREE
Then BOUNCE back TO the MIDdles with GLEE
(the more playful 'bounce' is more gleeful than 'shift' and keeps your kangaroo in the picture).
:-)
Albert
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