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BGonline.org Forums
Not sure if you're a Gridgammon jerk? No problem! Just take this short survey
Posted By: Jim Stutz In Response To: What mamabear taught me about GridGammon etiquette (leobueno)
Date: Monday, 28 August 2017, at 5:53 a.m.
Unless otherwise noted, give yourself 10 points for every transgression below that you have committed while playing backgammon online.
1)Seek bot help while playing a human opponent. (Congratulations! – You can skip the rest of the survey and go straight to the video at the end and flash forward 30 seconds in.)
2)Disconnect when hopelessly behind in a match (see #1 above)
3)20+ unfinished matches (see #1 above)
4)8+ unfinished matches in which tied or behind in the score (see #1 above)
5)Refuse an invitation from a regular opponent when he/she is down on his luck and his rating is lower than usual (Tally 50 points! It doesn’t make you a better player when you stiff a regular opponent when his rating is lagging -- it just shows him that you’re a hopelessly insecure ratings whore, and a jerk.)
6)Invite a regular opponent to play when your rating is in the toilet because you’ve been on an unlucky streak and/or you’ve stunk up the joint of late. (C’mon, you know how important his rating is to his self-esteem – give him a break! Or wait for him to invite you. Don’t hold your breath.)
7)Resign abruptly when losing badly, even though there is still play left in the match. (This is not a gracious concession -- it’s disrespect combined with dog-whistle dice whining. 20 points!)
8)Hold your dice for 5, 10, 15 seconds when no cube action is remotely possible. (Funny how you never seem to do this when you’re playing a Giant..)
9)Keep your opponent waiting while you hold the dice for 5, 10, 15 seconds in order to try to “time” the roll to get the lucky number you need. (Give yourself an extra ten points here for being a moron as well as a jerk.)
10)Play on Gridgammon while simultaneously doing something else, causing your opponent to wait. (Give yourself an extra ten points for admitting, unbidden, to your opponent that you’re doing something else while playing: “Sorry, I’m watching Lindsay Vonn/Lindsay Lohan/John Lindsay on TV, etc., etc., blah blah blah”)
11)Whine, in any fashion, about perceived slow play by your opponent (You get an extra 10 points here for elaborately effusive, smarmy, faux-polite complaints: “Say, would you mind terribly much speeding up the pace of play a little, old sport?” Also, give yourself an extra 20 points if you play every bit as deliberately as the “slow-playing” opponent you’re hassling.)
12)Leave your “ready to play” green light burning bright while you’re away analyzing the previous match with XG, or letting the dog out (guilty!), or checking football scores, or emptying the dishwasher, or taking a dump, etc., etc.)
13)Ignore an unwanted invitation to play, rather than just promptly saying “no thanks”, leaving your would-be opponent twisting in the wind for 20, 30, 40 seconds. (One of my pet peeves .. give yourself an extra 10 points for this one)
14)Resign and then exit the game with the speed of light, before your opponent has a chance to accept your resignation, thereby leaving the match unfinished.
15)Gag an opponent not because of his bad behavior, but because of your bad behavior (50 points!)
16)“Whisper” insults about your opponent’s play in the chat box for the “entertainment” of watchers, out of your opponent’s view.
17)Keep opponent waiting 20, 30, 40 seconds when you’re gin, while you write a flatulent epistle in the chat box, waxing rhapsodic about your sumptuous, preposterous, supernatural good-dice fortune, without which you never would have won this meaningless online match played with fuck all at stake.
18)Refuse an invitation from an unknown player with a low rating. (You don’t get any jerk points for this, in my book. The problem, often, with low-rated strangers is that they play painfully slowly. No shame in promptly turning down such invitations. )
19)Go out of your way to invite a regular opponent to play when he is down on his luck and his rating is below normal. (You’re a mensch, and you are one of just a handful of Gridgammon players who, in my experience, would do such a thing. No jerk points, in fact, stand up and take a bow.)
Now add up your points. 50-99 points? You’re a Gridgammon jerk. 100+ points? See the video below, ~30 seconds in – no one ever said it more eloquently than Frank.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it_R8BXkfGQ
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